One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Yet our society continues to be silent and perhaps oblivious to the pain and grief endured by those who have experienced losing a child before birth.
The physical and emotional toll you might be feeling is immense and should be recognized as one of the greatest losses a parent can have. Your miscarriage grief can show up in many forms such as fatigue, frequent episodes of crying, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and trouble concentrating just to name a few.
You might be feeling guilt and anger as well as overwhelming sadness. For many, when the baby leaves the body, it takes with him or her all the dreams, hopes, and plans. I am so sorry if this is the reason you are reading this blog. Let me offer a few things that might be helpful at this time.
Share the burden of spreading the news. Ask for help, this task is overwhelming, and you might be bombarded with questions you are not ready to answer or even understand.
Try to take care of your body. Eat a little and try to sleep. If you find it difficult to eat, make every bite you take count. Instead of eating sweets, have a banana or a bite of chicken, some protein will be helpful to your body if you are having a hard time eating.
Be mindful of your feelings. You might find it hard to be around others, talking on the phone can be a chore, and you might want to be alone.
Take time to acknowledge what you are feeling and embrace it. Let the explanations and questions wait. Take time for you if you can.
Ask for help and seek support.
Don’t apologize for your pain. Friends and family might pressure you and say very hurtful things like “move on,” “give it time” or even “return to your normal life, and you will be fine.” There is a silent sorrow that accompanies miscarriages. A lack of understanding of how much is lost.
Maybe you are feeling guilty about the thoughts you had or the choices you had to make when you became pregnant. Please know that whatever you are feeling is normal and real.
We usually have a way of sorting the events of our lives and knowing where things fit in our minds and our hearts. Miscarriage does not have a known spot in our minds or hearts; we must find a safe place inside of ourselves where we can keep it safe. Only this will allow you to regain hope.